When does banter become bullying?

We’ve all witnessed someone miss the mark on a joke. A well-meaning, but too cutting, remark about someone or something that lands all wrong. We’ve all hopefully witnessed the opposite, too, when a joke lands just right, creating an environment where good-natured banter is thriving.

Sometimes, the difference is obvious. We notice the mood shift when the joke isn’t in good humour, along with people’s body language and their resulting behaviour.

Sometimes, the difference is harder to notice. Perhaps we’re in an environment where banter is highly valued (think “locker room talk” cultures), or we’re observing someone in a position of power cross the line, where people don’t feel able to speak out. Perhaps the banter is repeatedly targeted towards a vulnerable individual and goes unchecked (e.g. ribbing the “new kid” in the office), or the content of the banter is harmful but feels socially OK (e.g. making fun of religious beliefs in a mostly non-religious group setting).

When we notice banter-gone-wrong and rectify it immediately, we can put it down to a mistake or isolated incident. This isn’t bullying. When banter is repeated, targeted towards someone (or a specific group of people), and it is harmful, this can constitute bullying.

And, if this kind of questionable banter is common in a workplace, it might contribute to a culture of workplace incivility, which can lay the groundwork for bullying spreading like wildfire, hard to squash once it starts. When this happens, we see numerous negative impacts; team cultures become poisoned, productivity plummets, absenteeism and turnover increase, and health and wellbeing suffer.

We want to note here that the best way to turn the tide on workplace bullying is not to get rid of banter altogether. Having good-natured fun at work is important, if not crucial, for a thriving team culture and relieving stress.

The National Health Service Trust (UK) published an article in 2024 exploring this very question: how can we keep banter alive, while making sure it is safe and respectful?

Healthcare is, unfortunately, a sector where both banter and bullying thrive. A survey of NZ healthcare workers found that one third had experienced bullying in the last 12 months. The blurred line between banter and bullying is evident in the NHS research, showing that nearly half of participants (47%) believed that banter needed to be removed from the NHS altogether in order to kerb bullying.

To counter this, a “banter safety checklist” was trialled, suggesting that for banter to be safe, all three of the following criteria need to be met (additions are our own):

1. Everyone involved understands it is banter.
2. Everyone finds it funny (or that it is intended to be funny).
3. Everyone feels included and safe.

Next time you observe banter, check in. Is everyone in on the joke, or is it targeted towards someone without their consent? Does everyone find it funny or is someone being harmed by it? Does it build inclusion and fun, or build in-groups and out-groups?

Some other questions you might ask yourself if you’re still not sure:

• Was the intent of the joke to include someone, or to belittle them?
• Is the subject of the banter shared among the group, or is it always targeted at the same person?
• Is the content of the banter discriminatory in nature, such as focusing on poking fun at someone’s gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, age or religion?

When the NHS trialled their banter safety checklist, the proportion of people who thought that banter should be removed from the NHS altogether dropped from nearly half (47%) to less than a fifth (15%). When we educate people about safe and respectful relationships, and set clear expectations and communication standards, we have the power to change attitudes and behaviours.

A systematic review of interventions to reduce workplace incivility (including harmful banter) and prevent bullying identified several factors that work.

• Broad-ranging. Interventions need to have multiple components (not just “one-and-done”) and focus on organisational level factors, as well as involving employees in their design.
• Well set up. Interventions should include a preparation period to authentically introduce the organisation’s core values around respect and kindness, and reasons for implementing change. Key to this is having management engaged and committed to interventions, and visibly involved.
• Early intervention. It is pivotal that people leaders are trained to intervene early at the source of unsafe banter. Research among New Zealand workers shows that managers who are skilled at resolving low-intensity workplace conflict are critical for intercepting the spread of bullying.
• Building positive culture. Interventions should focus on creating respectful, positive, supportive team relationships, not just on what not to do. This includes exercises and activities that empower employees to practise respectful communications. A safe banter checklist might help here, especially if the line between banter and bullying is blurry in your team.