How to be sober-curious for the holidays

Recent statistics have noted a nationwide trend towards drinking less alcohol, with the younger generation at least partly responsible for championing this change. There are a few factors that might be driving the trend. Growing prioritisation of mental and physical health is one, along with changing social norms that de-centre alcohol; like opting to play video games, or get outdoors, instead of going to a bar. Importantly, more breweries, wineries and distilleries are making (good-quality) zero-alcohol options, helping to stock a shelf of non-alcoholic drinks that go beyond the usual offerings of water, juice or fizzy drink.

Data from more than 18,000 people who’ve participated in our workplace Wellbeing Assessment over the last few years tells a similar story. Just over 30 percent of working New Zealanders recognise some room for improvement when it comes to limiting their alcohol consumption. This tells us two things: there’s room to change people’s habits for the better and, more importantly, a lot of us are ready for change.

This readiness is the key component. Decades of research tells us that there’s very little headway we can make if we’re stuck at the “I won’t” or the “I haven’t thought about it” stage of the behaviour change wheel. Once we’re contemplating change, we’re already a good chunk of the way there.

In the world of alcohol consumption, the idea of contemplating change has been rebranded as being “sober-curious”. It’s about being self-aware of how alcohol makes us feel and choosing to drink, or not drink, with intention rather than inevitability.

The cool thing about being sober-curious is that it maps onto habit formation research showing that small steps are more likely to change our behaviour long-term, rather than big overhauls all at once. This could be as small as cutting back one drink at a time or, if you’re up for it, it could be cutting back one occasion at a time (e.g., committing to not drinking at the office end-of-year event).

If you’re on the milder end of the “I think I have a drinking habit” spectrum, you might think that the holiday season is a terrible time to make change. Instead, with your new sober-curious mindset, you could view it instead as a smorgasbord of opportunities to test out your curiosity.

In psychology, we call these “behavioural experiments” and the idea of them is to try something different (usually with relatively low stakes!) and reflect on how it went and how it made us feel. With that in mind, this holiday season, try one or more of the following mini experiments to embrace your curiosity.

• When someone offers you a first, second or third drink at your work holiday party, say “Nah, not this time”. You shouldn’t feel like you need to justify yourself but, if you do, feel free to say something simple like, “I’m not keen to wake up tomorrow with a hangover; I’ve got too much to do.”
• Bring some zero-alcohol drinks, or sparkling waters, to Christmas day with the family. Crack into those instead of the beer and bubbles, either as a total replacement or to alternate between alcoholic drinks.
• Pick a summer activity at which you usually drink, like going to the cricket or a friend’s BBQ, and commit to doing it sober. If you feel uncomfortable, try messaging the group ahead of time to let them know you’re going to be sober. Once you’ve committed over text, you’re more likely to stick to it and your friends and family are less likely to be caught off-guard or make a comment that makes you feel awkward.

With all these experiments, make sure you reflect during and afterward on how it went. Were you able to commit to it, or did it get too hard? If you saw it through, how did it feel? Did people react better, or worse, than you thought they would? Regardless of people’s reactions, how did you feel both during the event, and the morning after?

As well as trying out an experiment here and there, there are a few evidence-based strategies that you can put in place to increase the likelihood of your sober-curious habit sticking around for the long-term.

• Be mindful of the triggers that push you to have an alcoholic drink: things like opening the fridge when you get home from work or feeling uncomfortable in group settings. Instead of focusing on removing alcohol from the equation, pick another behaviour to add instead. Stock your fridge with zero-alcohol beers, for example. Or order a lime and soda water from the bar when you would usually order a wine.
• When you succeed at changing your behaviour, make sure you celebrate your win. It might be in an obvious way, like literally patting yourself on the back or a less obvious way, like smiling and thinking to yourself, “I did it”. Our brains respond incredibly well to rewards and they turbo-charge the neural pathways that make us likely to do that behaviour again.
• Pick a reason for changing your drinking habits that resonates personally with you, rather than feeling like you “should”. Your reason might be health-related. It might be about being more present with your family or having more energy to do other stuff you love doing on the weekend. Whatever it is, tap into it and use it to drive your behaviour.
• Anticipate barriers that might come up to your sober-curious experiment and have a plan for them. For example, “If a mate calls me to go to the bar on a Friday, I will say ‘Yes’ but only bring enough cash to buy two beers and leave my card at home.”

With a plan in place for testing out your sober-curiosity this holiday season, now’s a good time to reflect: can you be curious about other things? What about setting better boundaries around work? Moving your body? Reaching out to old friends? What would the first small step be?

Whether it’s seeking support for your drinking, drug use or gambling, looking to improve your wellbeing, or seeking out changes for your workplace, Geneva Wellbeing and Umbrella have you covered. Get in touch to find out how we can support you to move your health and life forward.